What follows is a transcribe of those conversations.
The conversations are in three parts:
1. The Passing of a Friend 2. The Masters Seduction 3. Carly Simon’s Spanners.
7th NOVEMBER : THE PASSING OF A FRIEND – PART ONE
Lord Rothschilds
ROTHSCHILDS: Bad news old chap. Ken Gouts dead (National Elf head of A&R). Burnt alive in his cottage last night apparently. Last of great A&R men. Will be sorely missed. :…(
MASTERS: Suicide?
ROTHSCHILDS: No thanks Ken. It’s a bit early in the day for me! ; )
MASTERS: Ah HA HA HA! Rothy you wicked man! I’ll get Karen from reception to pop to Tesc Metro for some flowers. R.I.P Gouty. :…(
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THE PASSING OF A FRIEND – PART TWO
ROTHSCHILDS: Apparently old Gouty was burnt to a crisp when they found him. : (
MASTERS: Really? What flavour?
ROTHSCHILDS: I’m sorry I don’t quite follow…
MASTERS: What flavour crisps?
ROTHSCHILDS: Oh a HA HA HA! Ken you are incorrigible! Is there such a flavour as alcahol and cocaine?
MASTERS: Probably in Hell. Which is exactly where he is going.
ROTHSCHILDS: He can A&R in Hell for the rest of eternity for all I care. Good riddance to bad rubbish I say. We are in private mode aren’t we Ken?
MASTERS: NO.
ROTHSCHILDS: Shit and fiddlesticks.
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10th NOVEMBER – THE MASTERS SEDUCTION
Ken Masters
What follows is a message from Ken Masters to his followers on Twitter…
MASTERS: Back in 1985 I embarked on a passionate affair with a woman called Jan. Here is some footage of me seducing her….
ROTHSCHILDS: Gosh old fellow! What a fine seduction technique you had!
MASTERS: ’Had’ what do you mean ‘had’? I’ll have you know there’s life in the old dog yet!
ROTHSCHILDS: A HA HA HA! Do you miss her Ken?
MASTERS: Sometimes. But feelings of arousal soon fade when I realise she’d be drawing her pension by now.
ROTHSCHILDS: Understood old boy. Some mornings I look at wifey sleeping and it’s as if I’m sharing a bed with a corpse. We are in private mode aren’t we Ken?
MASTERS: Let me check….no.
ROTHSCHILDS: Robin Hood’s arse.
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11th NOVEMBER – CARLY SIMON’S SPANNERS
Carl Simon
ROTHSCHILDS: Carly Simon’s Spanners.
ROTHSCHILDS: Carly Simon’s Spanners.
ROTHSCHILDS: Carly Simon’s Spanners.
MASTERS: Carly Simon’s spanners?
ROTHSCHILDS: Carly Simon’s spanners? What the devil are you on about man?
MASTERS: Rothy you tweeted Carly Simon’s spanners three times! : )
ROTHSCHILDS: Did I?…So I did. Most peculiar. Do forgive me old chap. What time are we meeting Cheryl Baker?
MASTERS: 10:30. Must make it brief, meeting with Zac Goldsmith at 12.
ROTHSCHILDS: Carly Simon’s Spanners
